Rick0wn3d

[ricky bieber] HI GUYS MY NAME IS RICKY.  I AM FROM RUSSIA AND I AM 38 YEAR OLD.  I LIVE IN USA WITH MY MOTHER BUT I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS AMERICAN, ALTHOUGH I CAN NOT VOTE.  I SIT IN INDIE ROOM ALL DAY AND WHEN I SEE A TOPIC OF CONVERSATION ARISE THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, WHICH IS MOST OF THE TIME, I GOOGLE THE TOPIC TO MAKE MYSELF APPEAR KNOWLEDGABLE.  I AM EXTREMELY MATERIALISTIC AND NARCISSISTIC.  MY NARCISSISM STEMS FROM MY SHITTY CHILDHOOD WHEN MY FATHER WOULD BEAT ME AND MY MOTHER, WHICH WAS THE REASON FOR US LEAVING MOTHER RUSSIA.  MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS WERE NEVER MET AND THE BEHAVIOR I DISPLAY ONLINE HIDES MY DEEP SHAME AND EMOTIONAL HURT IN MY CHILDHOOD, WHICH I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER.  I HAVE AN OBSESSIVE INTEREST IN AMERICAN CELEBRITIES AND VIDEO GAMES, EVEN AT THE AGE OF 38.  ENJOYING THE LIVES OF CELEBRITIES, AND LIVING IN THE FANTASY OF VIDEO GAMES.  THESE THINGS MEET ALL MY OWN UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS WHICH WILL NEVER BE MET IN MY OWN LIFE.  I FEAR MY OWN FEELINGS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS AND AM NOT YET MATURE ENOUGH FOR LOVE.  MY SELF-ESTEEM IS FRAGILE BUT I MASK IT WITH OVERTLY MACHO BEHAVIOR AND RACISM.